Here's Johnny!

Johnny.

Ladies and gentlemen, I have picked up my violin and played it for the first time in a year! I am helping my friend Cassey with her recital in the fall semester coming up and we had our first practice this past week.  I was seriously surprised I didn't completely suck.  It was nice to play Johnny (my violin) again.  It was kinda weird too that this was my first time playing the violin without my mom listening.  I know she'd be proud though.  Oh and by the way, my violin's name is Johnny because the first piece I played on him was When Johnny Comes Marching Home.  :)

I saw Titanic with a special someone and oh dear did I cry! I knew the parts I would be sad at because I've seen Titanic so many times and it was my mom's favorite movie but this time, it was way worse.  I mean, it was in 3D people! I guess what also got to me were the credits with Celine Dion's My Heart Will Go On because it has sentimental value to me and it just was absolutely beautiful.  I'm really glad we went to see it.  It's crazy to watch a movie again after not seeing it in a long time, it really opens your eyes to things you never saw before.

-Happy Easter y'all!
-I've started looking at classes I will take during the summer and fall semesters and I feel like there aren't that many options for some reason.   A lot of the classes available are for graduate students, so I'm hoping they can change that.  They already made minor adjustments to the summer schedule but not enough to influence me.  It's nice, though, to be able to plan.  I already had my dream classes figured out, now all I need is for them to be there.  :)
-School will be over in less than a month!!!!
-Tomorrow I'm going to help someone with their video project, I will be acting in it and I'm so happy!!!! I already helped someone else with their video project for the same class, I helped with a voice over which was really fun as well.  I love performing!!!! :)
-I've lost 12 pounds!!!!

Well, I think that's it for now. Have a great day guys! Happy Easter!

Suffocation, Coincidences, Nostalgia, Future

Okay first of all, I had a sucky night on Tuesday.  I don't know why sometimes those moments just come up and it's like "HELLO AMY, MELTDOWN TIME." I don't know, I'm doing well now but it was tough.  I don't know how to describe it except that it was very suffocating.  Sometimes things in life seem bad but when you miss someone you can no longer see it's very…suffocating.  I'm glad today was a better day.  Speaking of today…

I've noticed several coincidences when it comes to wedding rehearsals and my mom.  So for example, last week, the bride's grandmother's name was Lupita, that was what my mom was called in Mexico, kind of like Maria Guadalupe, which just so happens that's what the bride's mother's name is this week.  THAT WAS MY MOM'S NAME! Another thing, I think this is the biggest one, the priest officiating the wedding is the priest who led the rosary at my mom's viewing, he isn't from my city so it's not even that common!!! I see these coincidences as a little "hey baby" from my mom, so they are nice. (There were more coincidences too).

Another thing.  I miss performing so much.  I miss acting, dancing, singing, and playing the violin for an audience.  I miss long rehearsals, late nights, getting stressed because of a costume change or not having the right hairdo for the routine, or having to drink a whole lot more water because it's humid, or worrying about my violin getting way out of tune because it's humid.  I miss it all.  It's sad.  I know for choir we have a performance coming up next month but still I miss it.  I especially miss being part of musical/play.  I don't think I ever told anyone this, which is kind of dumb because now I am, but I cried at my last performance of Fiddler on the Roof my senior year in high school.  It was my only performance in a musical in high school because orchestra and AP classes had overtaken my life but my senior year I really wanted to be in a musical and made sure I would be.  I cried because it was over and I didn't know how long it would be before I got to experience it all again, unfortunately I still haven't experienced it again.  As far as dancing, oh my.  I haven't performed a routine in front of an audience since the spring of my sophomore year in high school.  I'm a sophomore in college now! I miss it so much.  Playing the violin, oh dear, I miss getting a new piece and trying to sightread it and then trying to practice the super hard parts.

I used to be able to do this.

I don't like this feeling.  I miss performing so much.  I don't see how people do it.  This leads me into something else.  I'm taking Beginning Acting because it's required for my minor in Theatre, which is great but it's also [obviously] needed for those majoring in Theatre.  Which means there are some freakishly talented kids in that class that want to be professional actors or directors. Every single time I go into class I go in thinking, "Okay, I'm good, I got this" and I leave feeling like "Oh my goodness, I suck".  I remember our teacher saying that he would knock us down and then build us up, which reminded me of the Army slogan but I never thought it would be like this.  Don't get me wrong, I look forward to that class the most out of any of my other ones because it's so much fun but it's like I don't feel I'm good at anything anymore.

For example, you'd think that being a Comm Arts-Production major, I would be wonderfully good at those things and be extra excited but I'm not.  I'm good, yeah but not "Wow, this is what you are meant to do".  I try to think if I wasn't a Television Producer, what would I be? And I just don't think there is anything else for me.  I guess a big thing is that right now what I'm learning are kind of like the second stage of basics before it gets super fun, for example, I won't need to know how to write a Press Release or a News Story or anything like that [hopefully] as a Television Producer for let's say, Grey's Anatomy right? Right. I hope it gets better from here on out and that my skills grow, I guess that's why I'm in college.

Choir!!! [Plus I LOVE this movie]

Maybe what I'm going through right now is just self-doubt about the future. Which I believe is perfectly normal, I just wish I were better at what I'm studying [Theatre and Communication Arts-Production].

Well wish me luck guys!

PS I think I already wrote this but I'm looking for another monologue! Whoohoo! Wish me luck in finding the perfect one!

I'll have "life is crazy" for $500 Alex.

Okay so today my mom had a doctor's appt with the ortho. oncologist, yeah it was ka;ljdl but because we had woken up superrr early my mom and I took a nap while waiting for the doctor, it was nice.  It's moments like that that I'll remember forever.  They switched her from her arm sling to this clam-like looking thing that they put on her upper arm (where her humerus is) it reminds me of the mask in Freddy vs. Jason (even though I've never seen the movie, but it still reminds me of it). I will be driving more but it's okay because I really lovee our silver fox.  It was pretty stressful today but I got my choir dress! yepee! I can't wait til our first concert!  The party that we had in my mass comm class was nice.  I miss orchestra a little.  I want it to be next semester so I can maybe hopefully (cross your fingers) start the whole minor thing ...in THEATREEE my love, I still don't know how this works, college is superr different from high school.  Oh which reminds me today, on my way to chorale, aka choir, I saw this girl with a black eye, I found it really weird because my school is very religious-oriented and then I saw this other girl with this crazy looking scar/open wound, I couldn't really tell and then I realized that the theatre class for stage makeup had just been let out, it was nice.  I really want to be super involved next semester.  We'll see. Ohh AND... I found a penny! (heads up), I was just happy because it was a penny! The ortho. oncologist that my mom went to see today was a little booger, he was just being very negative, and that's really the last thing we need, he was saying that she needed radiation (even though her oncologist said it wasn't necessary) we'll see what happens. 

Please keep praying for my momma!
Thanks for reading!
Until next time!

Looks like we made it

Well what a week! Let's see we'll start with the most important events. 
I went with my mom to her oncologist appt. and her blood pressure is fantastic!! Yey Momma! The doctor said that her labs look good so we are happy.  That day she got this liquidy thing to strengthen her bones (which has horrible side effects, she gets shivers and then she gets really hot) but I think that she is starting to feel better. Yay! :] It was crazy though because in the chemo room (where she was getting the liquidy thing), which was very busy, we were talking to people and their "cancer stories" (I guess you could say) and it's just like "Wow, I really hate cancer. You know?" There was this older lady from Hawaii, she was adorable, and then these two sisters, one of them getting chemo and the other one just there for support, it was really nice. Anyway, then my mom got her chemo-ish injection, which is painful, but so far it's working.  I pray that it lasts for a very long time.

My aunt also had a lung biopsy on wed. the 25, the doctors are thinking that it is not cancer but it was still very scary.  I don't want anyone else getting this sucky disease.  On wed. I had a doc appt. because of my lower back surgery over the summer, he said that the incision closed but that I shouldn't be doing anything really crazy.

Next week I will start my second week of college. :] I really enjoy choir and orchestra and getting to see new people.  I really want to be involved in theatre but I don't want to overload myself.  We'll see.  I'll keep you posted :]

Well, thanks for reading! Ciao!

:]