I have a BA!

The best perk of graduating in the fall at my university: the lights!

{From the night before graduation, Baccalaureate Mass on campus!} 

Mickey and I still can't believe we graduated from college! I mean…COLLEGE! It's a pretty big deal! We graduated in the same place as I graduated from high school! I was very emotional that morning because I was angry at the fact that my mom wasn't there.  Then I stopped and tried to calm down once I saw Mickey and asked for God's guidance.  I knew that my mom wouldn't be there rooting for me in the stands physically but even better, she was there with a great seat rooting for me spiritually.  I felt her presence as I walked in the coliseum and I could hear her voice and I couldn't help but smile and look in awe at the amount of people there.  It was so surreal, the bagpipes were being played, I got goosebumps and got teary-eyed and got chills (and not just because it was one of the colder days here in the south).  We passed by teachers and I saw one of my favorites (whom we had just seen prior to lining up!) I kept thinking "Oh my God, I can't believe this is happening."

I'll rewind a bit.  I woke up feeling weird because I couldn't believe it was my college graduation day.     I felt a bit frustrated with the fact that I was so sad and angry that my mom wouldn't be there but it all slowly started improving when I saw Mickey.  I met him at his house and we finished getting ready and then left for the coliseum! 

We got there and started getting in line and finding our fellow Comm Arts friends and we started taking pictures, laughing, and talking.  Mickey and I went outside for a bit because he was going to leave something in my car when I saw one of our favorite teachers! We screamed, he heard us, we got excited, we took a picture and we all had to leave.  It was so amazing that we got to see him because things had gotten so crazy that it was hard to visit him that last semester! We were literally running and screaming his name then we caught up with him and he turned around, 

it was like something out of the movies.  

Best theater teacher ever! He's told us he has officially adopted us.  We couldn't be happier! ;)

Then Mickey and I went back inside and came to the realization we were going to graduate together.  It was amazing.  We couldn't believe this was all happening.  We then proceeded to take this picture.  

#collegesweethearts

We started lining up and after a while it was our turn to walk into the coliseum! 

(Read top paragraph for details).  

Next thing we know, bam. We're walking the freaking stage.  But, prior to that, after three hours of waiting for our turn, I realized even the few sips of water was too much for my little body to handle and I ran to the restroom a couple minutes before I walked the stage! (Too much info?)

I heard Mickey's name being called first and I screamed for my darling! Then it was my turn and I found some people I had invited there rooting for me and then I stood there waiting for my name to be called.  I looked out onto everybody there and took a deep breath.  This was it.  I was about to graduate from college.  I knew my mom was bawling her eyes out and cheering like nobody's business.  I was stoked.  

"Amy C. …" 

that was all I heard and everything got quiet in my head.

It was like I was dreaming.  I started walking the stage and smiled when I got the president of our university and shook his hand, got my pretend diploma, bam, picture, walked more, shook a strangers hand, bam, picture, walked down a ramp, bam, pose, picture, grabbed an alumni pin from some nice ladies, found somebody I had invited, bam, pose, picture, walked back to my seat and saw Mickey, gave each other a semi-high five and sat down. 

OMG. I just graduated from college with my college sweetheart. 

OMG. I have a B.A. in Communication Arts with a 

Concentration in Production with a Minor in Theatre!

First generation. College Grad. Magna Cum Laude. Ahh!

Everything after that was awesome.  We took pictures and went to Chili's that night.  It was fantastic!

December 8, 2013
:)

I will give you guys more information on other things soon, including my internship, job prospects, goals and of course Christmas and New Years stuff! Get ready! I'm back in the blogging world!

Our First Anniversary ❤

Well guys, I'm so proud and happy excited and blessed to be able

 to tell y'all that Mickey and I have been together for a year!

March 18, 2012. 

I cannot believe how fast time flies by, it's crazy!! 

HERE is the post about what we did on our six months. :)

It's funny because Mickey and I were friends for about a year and a half before we got together and it's just weird to think about life before we got together.  We were friends, then best friends and now, here we are.  So much more.  It's freaking awesome. 

So, I know you're probably interested in reading the details of our night, so here it goes. 

I warn you in advance: There are tons of pictures. :)

8:30am

-We exchanged presents!

-I got him a Ferris Bueller movie poster 

(we watched the movie the day we got together and it has special meaning to us)

& a watch. :)

-He got me a gorgeous infinity ring! <3 p="">

9am

-Advanced Acting class-Mickey and his scene partner rehearsed the scene in class 

(it's from A Flea in Her Ear, oh farce.)

-We had class until 10:15

3pm

-We watched part of One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest in our Writing the Script class. 

{I watched that movie a while ago but it's nice to see it with a new mindset}

-We had class until 4:15 

4:20pm

-We headed on over to PF Changs for the rest of our celebration!!! 

-We both got chicken LoMein & egg rolls. 

YUMM.

-We asked the waiter to take a picture of us. 

(I felt super awkward about it but I guess it's a couple-y thing to do)

-But we also took some of our own :)

-In case you were interested here is what our fortunes read:

{Mickey's: "Your eyes will soon be opened to a world of beauty, charm and adventures."}

{Mine: "Your virtues are priceless treasures."}

[Amy fact: I collect fortunes.  I'm kinda obsessed with them. I have almost a whole jar full of them.]

6:30pm-ish

-We went to a landmark of our city-a tower that towers at 750 feet. Yikes! 

(& it was windy!!!)

-We went to a 4D theater (within that area of the tower) and I had plenty of screams, sorry Mickey! It was fun though because I saw him smiling and laughing at my crazy reactions to the snake sounds and water being sprayed at us. Fun stuff! If y'all haven't been to a 4D experience thingy, 

I would strongly recommend it! 

-And then we went up to the observation deck where we were kindly greeted by the wind. 

-I swear I had a Marilyn Monroe moment with my dress, yay for shorts! :)

-We went up right before sunset and watched the night unfold.  It was beautiful.  We walked all around the top and I didn't get scared!!! I'm terrified of heights so it was nice to have such a strong, protective man taking care of me.  ;) *mush alert*

GORGEOUS.

-We also took tons of pictures up there that our faces got tired.
-We had such sweet moments up in that tower.  Seriously guys, it was like we were in a movie.
Like in Sleepless in Seattle or something. I was so giddy.

9pm

-We stopped to get coffee ice cream with marshmallows and then watched Ferris Bueller's Day Off.  

-It was the perfect end to a magical day. 

Here are just a few pictures I shared on Instagram [theamycassandra]. 

:)

And that was our first anniversary together.  It was unbelievable.

My boss and I were talking about how Mickey came along into my life at the right time and I couldn't agree more.  He met my mom and my mom met him before things deteriorated.  It was as if God had planned it all along.  God was taking my mom up to heaven but was putting me in the trusted hands of Mickey.  He was there with me through everything, my sloppy, ugly crying and my achievements.  He was there during the viewing and there to give me a hug when I went back to school.  I feel that my mom and God had all of this planned out so that I never felt alone, even after my mom passed.  I will always keep her in my heart and bring up experiences we had together and it is so nice to be able to share that with him.  He's my angel, he's protecting me and I know that, together we can take on the world.  I am eternally grateful to God for giving me such an amazing mom and wonderful people in my life.  Mickey, thank you for such a beautiful time, I can't wait to do everything with you! I love you! 

2012

Well, as with many bloggers out there, I feel it's super important to 

recap the year in a post, so here's my attempt to do so!

{I'll be focusing on happy things}

January: 

-Found the second love of my life...

ZUMBA

-Went to my first nightclub!

-Got dental implant!

-Stopped drinking soda!

-Filmed stuff for Eventually Cool!

Spooky Singles

February:

-Saw Kelly Clarkson in concert for the second time!!!

-Went to G-ton with some friends!

Our first picture together, before we got together.  haha.  

-Got confirmed!

March:

-Went to visit family in the Valley!

-Got together with the love of my life-Mickey!!! {03.18.12}

Our first date.  Downtown. 3.25.12 :)

April:

-Celebrated Easter with Mickey's family!

-Got inducted into Alpha Chi 

(Honor Society for Upperclassmen)

With Deidra!!

-Filed taxes all by myself!

May:

-Sang in the Baccalaureate Mass!

-Discovered my love for raspberries, blueberries & blackberries!

-Turned 20!

-Learned to drive on highways!

June:

-Started working at Cracker Barrel = Good cash flow for the summer. 

-Went to festival with Mickey! 

-Filmed stuff for Eventually Cool!

July:

-Went to Sara's wedding in New Hampshire!

-Saw a quick glimpse of Harvard!

-Flew on my own back home!

-Lost a total of 20 pounds! 

August:

-Went to Sydney's wedding (as a bridesmaid) with Mickey in Tampa! 

Weight loss for both of us!

-Became classified as a college senior!

-Started 5th semester of college!

September:

-Went swing dancing with Mickey!

-Celebrated Mickey's parents' 23rd anniversary!

-Mickey and I celebrated our 6 month anniversary! 

-Tried and enjoyed Creme Brulee!

October:

-Filmed my first PSA!

-Mickey and I volunteered with the Diabetes Walk (JDRF)

-Zombie Walk & our first Halloween together!

November:

-Voted in my first presidential election!

-Dia de los Muertos Festivities!

-Went to Vegan Restaurant!

-Went and filmed/took pictures of a quince as Mickey's assistant!

-Celebrated Mickey's 21st Birthday!

-Celebrated Thanksgiving with Mickey's family (& my aunt and uncle separately)

December:

-Participated in first 48-Hour Film Festival!

-Mickey and I decorated our first Christmas tree together!

-Went to Portland, OR and Vancouver, WA

SAW SNOW FOR THE FIRST TIME!

(& snow tubed, saw Pacific Ocean, went to the Northwest! and faced my fear of heights)

I guess you could say that this year treated me very well.  I know my momma 

would be very proud of how I'm doing.  I still can't believe I lived a whole year without my mom, 2012 was lived without her here.  A part of me is freakishly proud and another part of me is extremely sad.  I had a lot of firsts this year and I wish I could have shared those with her but for now, I'll just know she's watching me from above sharing those moments with me.  

I can't believe I'm 20, or that I found the most amazing guy in the world, or that I saw snow this year, or that I even had two jobs for 5 months while taking on a full course load at school.  I'm just blessed and thankful to God and my sweet momma for all the blessings they've given me and even though we lost some loved ones this year,  I know they're in heaven having a blast.  

So, thank you 2012 for being much better for me than 2011 was. 

Thank you for my loved ones.  Here's to 2013 being even better! 

I can't wait for all that is to come!

I know I'll certainly be ringing it in with some of my favorite people! ;)

Volare. I believe I can fly.

     It is with a heavy heart that I tell y'all these news.  I will not be studying abroad in Rome during Spring 2013.  After much consideration and crying, it is a better option to not go.  As y'all remember from my first post about studying abroad, I was pumped about it.  This was way back in December 2011.  My Italian teacher suggested I go during the spring because the weather is nicer, so I began looking into it after being apprehensive about it.
     I told my friends about it and Mickey became interested in the idea as well.  I took on a second job at Cracker Barrel to save money and to still be able to pay the bills.  At the beginning of this semester, Mickey and I went and visited Alanna and we continued the process of applying to study abroad.  Everything was fine but slowly we started realizing that, financially, this would be something very difficult.  I had money saved up to pay bills while away but my concern was about my return to the U.S. and internships and everything.  Paying for the plane ticket and passports and additional expenses were also of concern.
    After obstacle after obstacle, Mickey and I still kept persevering through and tried to figure out ways to work with them (obstacles) but then the biggest one came.  If we stayed here in the U.S. we could graduate in December 2013.  If we would go, we wouldn't graduate 'til at least Spring 2014, if not later, as some classes aren't offered every semester.  My biggest worry is that I need to graduate and get a job soon so I can start living independently. I'll be turning 21 in 175 days and as I get older I want to make sure I can get in the business and work my way up ASAP.  I will start almost anywhere. I just want to get there and do it.

     I would have loved to study abroad in Rome and learn the Italian language more but I feel that it's not God's plan for us now.  Ironically, today I found out I received the Gilman Scholarship, it's a study abroad scholarship Mickey and I had applied for a while back.  I'm not gonna lie, declining that scholarship was one of the harder things I've had to do in college. We were both extremely sad to not be able to do this but realize that everything happens for a reason, so here are the opportunities available for us here!

1. Mickey is Vice-President of To Write Love on Her Arms at our university! Congrats babe!
2. I can audition for The Memory of Water and even if I don't get in, I'll have added experience.
3. I can cut down on the amount of time I work at Cracker Barrel. (I'll tell y'all more about that another time).
4. I can volunteer here and put in my application for graduation in January.

I must have God's side hurting from all the laughing.  Haha.  

5. We can possibly continue Off Broadway!
6. I can not be as restricted financially!
7. We get amazing classes here!
8. We can graduate in December 2013 (God willing).
9. We won't miss all those spring holidays with loved ones.
10. I can continue participating in events with Catholic Daughters, TWLOHA and maybe if our Associated for Women in Communications organization grows on campus, I can be an officer!

Yes.  I'm very sad that this didn't work out but I know that God and my mom have bigger plans for me.  This just wasn't meant to be, not now.  So, wish us luck as we finish this semester strong!

Numb.

One year ago today (Sept. 16, 2011) my mom and I were basically told she was dying.  We didn't know how long she had but we realized her time had become increasingly limited.  I won't go into the details of this because I feel writing it will only make certain things worse. Just know that I've already told one person pretty much exactly what happened.  Here's what happened today, 2012.

I went to work at Cracker Barrel and got a good amount of tips which helped me pay for gas and buy college-style groceries and even watch Finding Nemo on 3D, which leads me to my next point.

I remember watching Finding Nemo with my mom and her friend back from middle school in Mexico, I call her my Tia Lety.  Anway, we had gotten to the movie theatre a bit late and the only spots available were a bit scattered.  I sat next to my mom and my Tia Lety sat close-by kind of.  I remember really liking the movie but that's about it.  Today some of us went to watch it in 3D, throughout the movie, I kept getting random flashbacks of my mom and how she did anything and everything in her power to make me happy.  Not spoil me, but make me happy.  She would have swam the ocean if that meant finding me.  I don't know if any of this makes sense but it all just got too overwhelming when the movie finished.

I cannot exactly described what happened except that I was breathing heavily and my hands were tingly and felt kind of like they did when my mom and I were in the hospital when we were given the news.  Everything just gave me a big flashback of everything and it became too much.  We were there with two other people and I just basically needed to get out of the movie theatre.  Mickey was a definite help as I was having an emotional breakdown right outside.  Everything became so numb.  I guess these next 10 days are just another big bulletin board reminding me every second of every day that my mom isn't here anymore and it sucks, you know? I just hit a low today but I know things will get better.  I am my mother's daughter after all.

I remember all the times when I didn't think my mom and I could do it.  That we thought, how is this even possible? And then thinking, myself, once my mom passed how I could even get back to "normal" (whatever that was) again.  And here I am now.  God really does give his toughest battles to his toughest soldiers.  I know I can do this. I know I'm not alone and I know that the worst is behind me.  I know that although a year ago today, my world was changed, that doesn't mean that I won't eventually be okay.  I will be.  I will.  Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow.  But things will get better.  They will.  I just need to leave it up to God and trust in him and everything my mom ever taught me.

So, here I embark on the next 10 days as September 26 comes.  I can do this.  I can.  I'm my mother's daughter.

One more thing, I wanted to say thank you for all of those of you who went that friday, September 16, 2011 to the hospital.  It meant the world to have people there supporting us.  Also, thank you to all of those of you who prayed for us and helped us in any other way.  I thank you from the bottom of my heart.

And so it starts.

September has slowly become my least favorite month.  Here are a few reasons organized by date:

September 6, 2012: My aunt Estelle's mom passed away
September 11, 2001: We all know why.
September 14, 2010: My mom and I got in the car accident, leaving her with a fractured humerus
Friday, September 16, 2011: We were told her body was tired (we didn't know how long she had)
Sunday, September 18, 2011: Hospice came to the hospital to visit us
Monday, September 19, 2011: We moved into hospice & the last day my mom was fully conscious
Monday, September 26, 2011: My mom passed away

So, let the small venting begin.

Today (Sept 14) , two years ago was honestly a nightmare.  Here was what I wrote that night.  Here was what I wrote last year on that day, the last post before we found out about my mom's health deteriorating.  Finally, here is the post about when we got my (our) newer car, Anderson.

So, like I mentioned in that original post, that day was one of the worst days of my life.  I won't go into too much detail because I wanted to say how blessed I am.  Yes, today wasn't the easiest of days but I am so blessed to be alive.  Two years ago today, my mom and I experienced one of the worst things in our lives and we overcame it.  Today, I spent time with Mickey, went to work and spent time with my family (Aunt Mimi, Uncle Michael and David) and even met a few new people! I mean, seriously, how blessed am I?

Mickey and I are about to celebrate our 6 months this 18th of September and that's a big thing! He has been so supportive and helpful, especially this month and I'm so blessed to have met him back during our first semester in college.  I am even more thankful for him being there when my mom's health got worse.  He let me vent in Anderson and it was so very helpful.  So, Mickey, if you're reading this, because I think you are, I just wanted to say thank you, from the bottom of my heart for being there for me today.  I know that, together, we can get through this month.  <3 br="br" nbsp="nbsp"> I'm focusing on positivity and happiness and all the beautiful things life has to offer.  So please send good thoughts my way as I navigate the rest of this month.

Thank you.   

Confirmation

For those of you who don't know this, I'm Catholic.  Roman Catholic, to be exact.  There is this step in one's life that, whenever they feel ready, they take.  I've just taken it.  Today! There are seven catholic sacraments: Baptism, Eucharist, Reconciliation, Confirmation, Marriage, Holy Orders, and Anointing of the Sick.  I have experienced or seen others experience all of them except for the Holy Orders which is when someone decides to be take on a religious vocation.

So here's the story in a nutshell, my mom had been wanting me to get confirmed for a LONG time because she knew I wanted to be confirmed but things just kept on preventing me from taking confirmation classes. One of the things my mom wanted me to do was to get my confirmation.  That's exactly what I did today! I've been going to confirmation classes since October, the month after my mom passed away, and I finally did it.  I was confirmed today.

I lit a candle for my sweet momma. 

Not gonna lie, it was a day full of emotions. It kind of made me think of how much of a mess I'm going to be on my wedding day, you know? I mean, today, was beautiful and amazing but oh dear, it was difficult.  What kept me going was thinking of how proud and happy my mom would've been.  She would have been so happy and she would have been taking pictures whenever she could.

It was a beautiful ceremony and everything went smoothly. Everyone was so nice.  Friends and family came out and then we went to eat.

I'm so blessed I was able to take this next step in my catholic life and look forward to living life as a confirmed catholic.

2 weeks.

So as of tomorrow night exactly it will have been two weeks since my mom's passing.  I am very proud of how I've been handling this pretty sucky time in my life.  Sure, I have my ups and downs, that's for sure, but as an overall package, I'd say I'm pretty normal. That's weird.  I think she'd be very proud of me too.  I miss her like crazy and still find times where I think "Oh I can't wait to tell her about this" so of course I have those moments where it's like "Hello Amy! She's gone." So, I'm just getting used to that.

Other stuff: It's been kind of hard trying to catch up on two weeks of stuff I missed, some classes it's easier, others not really but I'm getting there.  I'm getting my room here (at my aunt's and uncle's house) really pretty.  The closet is looking nice and organized and my shoes look very organized on the rack thing. It's gonna look really nice once everything is done being organized.  This past weekend was my first time going back to work and it wasn't as hard as I thought it would be, the bride was really sweet.  Can you believe she got her dress for $189? Well anyway, yeah, she did.  I have a VERY busy week ahead so here we go.  Tomorrow will be my second meeting with Dr. Tucker (counselor) so I'm interested in seeing how it's going to go. I talked a WHOLE lot last time.  I was a little chatterbox, it was nice.  Haha.

Well, I'll leave y'all with these wonderful quotes and such I found on Pinterest.
[Check that website out, it's pretty amazing].

P.S. The Second Sunday Mass in honor of my mom was very nice.  She'd be so happy for me meeting all these nuns! They are all SO NICE! She's always known that I find sisters really sweet and charming. Maybe it's a sign from my momma…?

Fighting like a Girl

So friday was a nightmare.  There I said it.  I won't go into great depth but here is the final result:
My mom has pneumonia, CHF and an infection.  She is getting antibiotics and LOTS of rest.

I don't know if I've ever said this before but my mom is my hero.  There have been a few times when my aunt and plenty of other people thought she wasn't going to make it (like this past friday) and then BAM my mom recovers.  I know this is only because of God and my mom.  God because he is the one that rules and my mom because she is such a fighter and has a great strong will.

Here was what I wrote on my mom's page:

She is so strong and never complains.  She fights because she wants to.  She wants to be here just like I do.  These past three years have been a ginormous rollercoaster of a ride.  We have our ups and we sure as heck have plenty of downs but we are there for each other.  I have come to the conclusion that I have learned several things from this experience.  Here are just a few:

1. Don't take anything for granted.  EVER.  It is hard to describe hearing that your mom won't be able to walk again because her bones are so brittle that they may break if she puts weight on them.  It's difficult, you know? We have come to recognize that this is only as a precaution because we don't want her to get hurt again.  All those times that my mom and I walked around places are images I will always hold dear to my heart.  I remember one time, when we were in New York, we walked around Times Square at night and it was one of the post peaceful times we've ever had.  

2.  Always put your health first.  This is not being selfish. How can you help others and be there for your children if you're not well.  My mom always wanted to be there for everything but she had to chose between working those extra few hours and missing a doctor's appointment to be able to attend my school-related events.  I have learned from her that in order to do what you want to do in life you must first take care of yourself.  

3.  Laughter is the cheapest medicine.  Whenever we have those moments that we just want to scream and cry, we do. We let it all out and then we watch funny television shows.  We focus on life's wonderful things by not letting the horrible parts of life consume us.  We both realize that if we focus too much on bad things we will go insane.  I mean, we're weird in the normal kinda way, but it would just be too much.  So, we laugh at funny things and move on.  

4.  Have faith in God.  Whenever I feel like everything is too much, I pray and then leave it up to God.  He knows how I feel and he will guide us through these difficult times.  I find peace whenever I do leave it all up to him.  

There are plenty other things I've learned but these are the only ones I can think of right off the bat.  

Now for some other news (normal college things):

I'm pretty stressed about financial aid and starting this new PE kind of class.  I feel like summer is flying by like crazy.  :( But I do have to admit that I'm looking forward to starting my fall classes.  

One sad pathetic little thing: We won't be able to watch Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2.  We most likely might still be here or not, I don't really know but watching movies aren't really a big priority.  We will watch Harry Potter as soon as we can though.  

Some interesting tv shows that my mom and I have recently seen/are going to watch are:

Finding Sarah: From Royalty to the Real World

Drop Dead Diva

My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding

Check 'em out!

Until next time. 

Change.

I will start with the not so wonderful news and then end with pretty nice things.

As I mentioned in earlier posts, my mom is in a skilled nursing facility.  Here's a quick summary of what's happened since I finished my first year in college:
 -May 8: Mother's Day. Mom is admitted into hospital at around 5am because she wasn't doing so well.  She had pneumonia, an infection, her platelets were weird, she had low red and white blood cells.  She stayed in the hospital until the 18th.  On the 16th, she tore a tendon on her right arm.
 -May 23: Two days before my birthday.  My mom fell and broke her right femur (thigh).  She was rushed to a different hospital than we're used to because they specialize in orthopaedic surgeries.  She had her surgery on May 25 (my birthday) and then on the 28th-ish she was transferred to our familiar hospital to get therapy. My mom was there until June 10 when she was transferred to this skilled nursing facility where she is getting therapy.

Here's the story: My mom was talking with the therapists here and (like her orthopaedic surgeon had said) they feel it isn't the best if she ever walked again.  She fell and broke her femur once because her bones are so weak, what will prevent it from happening again? This is all as a precautionary measure, we don't want her to break anything else, so it's best if she doesn't walk again.  I was out at this time and my mom just told me this. Now of course, I don't want my mom to break anything ever again but it's like "Wow, things have really changed." It just hit me, my mom's bones being so brittle is because of chemo and radiation. She was diagnosed June 4, 2008 and since then she's been constantly on something until now because of this whole broken bone thing.

1995

I guess what I'm trying to say is I miss when things were easier.  When my biggest worry was what I was going to wear to school or that one really hard test.  Now it's like, how is my mom going to get in the car? What's it going to be like when I go back to school? DNR or DR (because her bones are brittle)? Where do we move (because we need to, because we can't have steps in our apartments)? How are we going to pay for this? What is going to happen with everything? What is going to happen to my mom? What does our future look like? I try to take things one step at a time but sometimes it's like I'm drowning.  I just wish things were just like they were when I was in 5th grade or something.  Those days were easier.  I guess, it's just part of growing up.  You'd think I'd get used to this whole cancer situation since age 16 when my mom was diagnosed, but it just gets harder and harder.

Thank you for letting me let it out.
Now for the nicer news.

I mentioned that my Aunt Estelle gave us her Wii. Yesterday my mom and I played with it and it was really fun.  The bowling helps her left arm get stronger and I have been playing the boxing games (also on the Wii Fit Plus) which helps me get all my anger out. The Wii Fit also helps me get my energy out.

Also I start my PE class this coming weekend.  9am-12pm.  At least it'll help me get rid of all that grossness the hospital food gave me. ha.

Another thing!!! My mom's pain medication schedule is fixed!!! (I just found this out.)

I pray that everything gets just a tad bit easier and thank God for still having my mom here with me.  Please pray guys. Thank you.

Long Time No Write

Things, as usual, have been pretty cray cray around here (haha I've always wanted to say that, so here I get the chance to write it), so yeah, they've been insanely different.  So again, list time.

-My mom is now at a skilled nursing facility.  She is getting therapy two hours a day, except for weekends, when she, herself, does a little bit of therapy.  Things are going well.
-We are still unsure about what's going to happen after, you know with the whole chemo situation. Her liver has started hurting a bit again, but I pray that this situation doesn't get worse.
-Oh, we are going to be looking at moving from our apartments so that's good!
-My job is going well.  Here are some highlights:
    -I met/talked to a few nuns!
    -I've talked with a Scottish priest
    -I've talked with a British family! (Yes, their accents are so wonderful and amazing!)
    -I've had a great experience so far!
-I start my summer classes, well actually only 1 summer class (something kind of like PE) this month (27th) so I'm looking forward to that, kind of.

Yup, it's summer.

-My aunt gave my mom and I her Wii because she doesn't use it (because of her heart problems) so we just got it today, which is pretty amazing because I've wanted one for THE longest time! So, thank you Aunt Estelle.
-That leads me to something else: while my mom was in the hospital and not doing so well, I had some people tell me to prepare myself for the worst basically and then I had somebody else ask me "when is it enough?" like basically, stop pushing your mom so hard.  To tell you the truth, this all really upset me and frustrated me for these reasons. Number 1: They are not God, so they don't know when the end is, I understand that people may say this to be supportive but it's like, c'mon, we are not those negative-minded kind of people.  Number 2: I've told my mom that if she ever feels like it is too much, I will be okay.  I know this sounds insane and weird but I don't want my mom to suffer.  So anyway, we've talked about stuff like this and for people to assume is just very frustrating.
I even came up with this little quote: "It's not called denial, it's called having faith". Pretty nice right? People felt that my mom having the surgery was crazy and very dangerous, which yeah it was, but they wouldn't have done it if it wasn't worth it. People would give me this look like they thought I was in denial of how serious things were, but I kept telling them "It's my mom we are talking about, not some whimpy person." So there, I'm done. Thank you for letting me vent.
-My mom had 42 stitches removed from her femur! ( a while ago)
-Everything is getting better. I will try to blog more but, well you know.. things have been crazy.
-You can go to the page: Please pray for Amy's mom (on facebook) for more updates.
-Oh and remember tumblr: www.acassandraz.tumblr.com

Thanks for reading guys! :)

Blessed and hopeful

Okay readers.  Things have drastically changed since I last blogged. Here's the summary because frankly, right now, I'm all about moving forward and improving from now on and I’m falling asleep but I felt like I really needed to blog because it’s been tooooooooooooo long.

So, Monday my mom fell and broker her right femur (upper thigh area), I was with her and so I called 911. Probably one of the worst experiences of my life.  I felt like I wanted to scream.  It's weird because this one lady and her son were looking at my mom and I told them "Please stop staring, she's my mom." Now that I look back on it, it's like "what the heck where you thinking Amy? They could have easily gotten violent on me, but thank God they didn't. So anyway, we got to the ER and the whole process was painful.  We were at a different hospital because of the opportunities available there for my mom. 

Anyway fast forward to Wednesday May 25…my mom is scheduled for surgery and it’s my 19^th birthday.  That day was definitely one of the worst days I’ve ever had in my life, except for the way it ended.  I won’t go into a great deal of depth but the surgery took twice as long as expected because basically, cancer got in the way of the rod that was going to be put in, so that was fixed but in the meantime I was having a meltdown in the waiting room.  I thought it was all over.  That’s why when I saw my mom, even completely asleep, I was so relieved and felt so blessed to see my mom alive and to be able to have her say “Happy Birthday” to me.  It’s crazy because I was born at 7:28pm and that was the time that I was REALLY falling apart.  Anyway, thank God that’s all over.

I am going to wrap this up because I’m falling asleep but I just wanted to update y’all.

So here’s a quick little list:

-My mom’s therapy has been challenging but she’s improving

-We don’t know how long she’ll be here (in rehab aka physical therapy)

-She’ll start chemo back up again once her scar and everything has healed which they are thinking might be about 4 weeks. (I pray it will be less)

-I know I’m missing a lot of stuff but I’m falling asleep because it’s been a very long day.

-P.S. Today was my first day out of training for my chapel job. (It went well)

-I’m staying with my mom in the hospital.

P.S. I got a tumblr because I thought it was something interesting I could do while in the hospital.  

soo here it is: www.acassandraz.tumblr.com

Here is the view from my mom's current room.

Please pray everything improves. 

I will try to write sooner.


Another thing, tomorrow is the third anniversary (I guess you could call it) since my mom's diagnosis.  Please pray she has many more years here with me.
Thank you.