Fast Forward

Umm…where does the time go?

Here is a recap of what's happened since I last blogged!

Mickey and I went to see the Rocky Horror Picture show, dressed up as Gene Simmons and Paul Stanley for Halloween and went to a Comic Con and met Nicholas Brendon.  I met Jamie Deen at my internship, Mickey and Deidra have been making me laugh a lot.  :) Mickey turned 22 years old!!!! I went on a live shot at my internship and covered a holiday event for my university. 

Today, Mickey and I had our first graduation party (mainly for family and adults) and it was a complete blast.  So many people had so many nice things to say.  It brought tears to my eyes.  It's just amazing.  I'm so excited for things to come! 

I can't wait to do graduation with you Mickey.  I love you! 

For my momma ❤

So last time I blogged was my mom's birthday.  

Here is what happened that day.

I applied for graduation.

I'll let that sink in for a little. 

I'll wait. No worries.

Yup.  Yours truly has applied for graduation.  I will be graduating in about 221 days and I'm still in shock.  I wasn't sure the Registrar's Office was gonna be open because of our city holiday but sure enough, they closed at noon.  I got up and before I knew it, I was out the door.  I parked and walked my way up to the Administration Bldg.  As I walked up the wet stairs, I could smell the humidity and began thinking about all the times I went up those stairs.  I couldn't help but feel nervous because what I was about to do was incredibly important and meaningful to me.  

Once I got there. I took several pictures of my application and stuff around me.  Yes, I'm that kind of girl.  Mickey says I'm self aware. He thinks it's a good thing.  I realize when something very important is happening and I take pictures. :) I must have looked like a goof doing so but it was completely worth it. 

I also took a picture once I got out of the building, after all the tears of course.  A big part of me was just so insanely proud of myself for getting this far and for achieving so much but a chunk of me was really sad that I wasn't sharing that moment with my mom.  We had always dreamed of me going to college and I am having a difficult time coming to the realization that she won't be there to see me graduate.  When I look out into the audience, I won't see her there.  It was difficult to do this but applying for graduation on my momma's birthday was something very important for me.  I think she loved that present! I called Mickey after I was out and he told me later that nobody in my family had ever done that.  He was so right.  I'm a first generation college student and it's just so amazing that I've had this opportunity to go to college and get a degree.  

I went to work and my boss gave me a really nice butterfly wind chime and a card.  She is such a sweet woman and I love working with her.  I still can't believe I've been working at my chapel for two years now! 

As soon as I got out of the chapel, I broke down. I hadn't had one of those meltdowns in a while but Mickey came at the perfect time with carnations and Snapple.  

Have I ever mentioned how blessed I am to have him in my life?

He had bought a gift card for this nice restaurant and so we went there in celebration of my mama's birthday. We had to use this card in one visit and we had no trouble doing that. 

We got:

fried calamari

crab cake (SO GOOD)

new england clam chowder (which Mickey fell in love with!)

monterrey chicken (with ham and cheese)

shrimp angel hair pasta thingy

& red velvet cake

Stolen from Mickey :)

My mom would have really liked that place and the chowder and the crab cake.  

We both shared a love for seafood.  

I'm slowly convincing Mickey he's a secret seafood lover. :)

It was a wonderful way to the end the day.  

Thank you all for your kind wishes on Facebook and Instagram. It mean a lot. 

Well, I'm leaving a lot of stuff out because things have gotten super crazy. I will tell y'all about that another time. Wish us all luck as we get ready for the last two weeks of the semester! 

Sunshine and Rainbows.

So I've basically been MIA for about two weeks and this is what has happened since:

I was Billy the Kidney at the National Kidney Foundation Kidney Walk in our city. 

It was such a surprise, the lady just asked me if I was claustrophobic and I said no and next thing I know, I'm in the mascot costume.  I have to say, it was one of the coolest things I've ever done.  It was amazing.  Mickey had fun watching me be a goofball.  I danced the Boot Scootin' Boogie, you know, Southern girl style, and other dances including the ever so popular Macarena and the fantastic Wobble. It was a great morning, minus the sweating.  I had work the rest of the day.  Oh goodness.

This past week has been insane.  I know I always say that but it might have well been dead week because everything and anything was due and we were having quizzes and tests left and right.  Two quizzes, a HUGE Law in the Media test, monologue, scene, LIVE Newscast (highlight of the week), filming and editing and showing my short film.  Not to mention work that weekend before.  

It was way too much that Mickey and I forgot to eat several times.  It was awful.  I'm glad to say that this is a semi-less stressful week.  Oh, you know, except for substitution forms due, community service forms soon-to-be due, graduation application soon-to-be due and registration, not to mention a quiz, a monologue, and most importantly, my mom's birthday. 

I am just all over the place.  It has slowly started to hit me that my mom won't get to see me graduate from college.  I will be the first person in my family to graduate from college and it has meant so much to me to get this far but it just is very overwhelming sometimes.  I put so much pressure on myself to do certain things that I get so stressed that my brain doesn't stop thinking.  I want to graduate Summa, just like in high school but I sometimes forget that I've got way more on my plate than I did then.  I can't believe her birthday is this friday.  I will be at work for about 2 hours but I don't know what my brain will be doing the rest of the day.  Sometimes, it just gives me flashbacks for no reason at all.  It has been over a year and a half since she passed and I feel I miss her the same as I used to, if not more.  I need a second job again and I need to look for internships.  

I know this all pales in comparison to what's been going on in the world lately and I thank God that I have my health and loving people around me.  I just pray that everything improves for everyone.  I want things to get better and for people to be happy. 

 I want sunshine and rainbows but in order to get there, there might be some thunderstorms.  

Growing Inspiration

I've been meaning to blog for a very long time but things keep getting in the way. So here are just a few things that have occurred that haven't been mentioned are very worthy to be put in this blog.

I have now officially closed my old bank account.

Can you say "grown up"?

I had switched to Chase but needed to get stuff settled with my older bank

I had been using this old bank since I was about 16 years old and it was bittersweet to close that account when it feels like yesterday I was there with my mom and my aunt.

I have to admit though, it was nice to switch to Chase and start new. It felt amazing.

Mickey and I attended a gala at our university for our Comm Arts dept!

I assisted with several things, it was insane but in the end, it was wonderful!

Mickey has a job with the radio station on campus!! So proud of my talented man!

I helped set up this promotion event with one of our local tv stations! :)

Just a few Comm Arts peeps!

I got a full-length picture of what I wore! (Which was the same outfit I wore for Valentine's Day!) Hoorah! A picture was taken! And yes, I'm an outfit repeater. Lizzie McGuire and I share that. ;)

Also, I've come to the conclusion that because my college career is nearing it's end [Yikes], I'm starting to feel overwhelmed and pressured about my future. I had mentioned it a while ago but I feel like I haven't found my niche. Lately, I've been seeing lots of talented individuals go on to further their careers by enrolling in grad school and doing so much. 

I hate to admit it but I compare myself to people and I sometimes feel like I'm not doing enough. Like, I'm not where I think I should be. Granted, I shouldn't beat myself up but I can't just keep thinking this without doing something. 

So, I know that my schedule is crazy busy but I have consciously started to make an effort to be better at everything. To improve on everything. I'm going to try harder and harder because I know what I want for my future and I know that it'll take work but it will be so worth it. 

I found this quote that I absolutely fell in love with by Maya Angelou.

"I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. 
 Life's a *itch.  You've got to go out and kick a**."

I mean, dang! Ain't that the truth. I want to be THAT girl. 

Tomorrow's schedule:
{class}
{Sports broadcast-Yours truly is one of the anchors!}
{Big Law and the Media test...dun dun dun.}

And come thursday evening...
spring break. spring break. spring break. 
!!!!!

Excitement awaits. 

2012

Well, as with many bloggers out there, I feel it's super important to 

recap the year in a post, so here's my attempt to do so!

{I'll be focusing on happy things}

January: 

-Found the second love of my life...

ZUMBA

-Went to my first nightclub!

-Got dental implant!

-Stopped drinking soda!

-Filmed stuff for Eventually Cool!

Spooky Singles

February:

-Saw Kelly Clarkson in concert for the second time!!!

-Went to G-ton with some friends!

Our first picture together, before we got together.  haha.  

-Got confirmed!

March:

-Went to visit family in the Valley!

-Got together with the love of my life-Mickey!!! {03.18.12}

Our first date.  Downtown. 3.25.12 :)

April:

-Celebrated Easter with Mickey's family!

-Got inducted into Alpha Chi 

(Honor Society for Upperclassmen)

With Deidra!!

-Filed taxes all by myself!

May:

-Sang in the Baccalaureate Mass!

-Discovered my love for raspberries, blueberries & blackberries!

-Turned 20!

-Learned to drive on highways!

June:

-Started working at Cracker Barrel = Good cash flow for the summer. 

-Went to festival with Mickey! 

-Filmed stuff for Eventually Cool!

July:

-Went to Sara's wedding in New Hampshire!

-Saw a quick glimpse of Harvard!

-Flew on my own back home!

-Lost a total of 20 pounds! 

August:

-Went to Sydney's wedding (as a bridesmaid) with Mickey in Tampa! 

Weight loss for both of us!

-Became classified as a college senior!

-Started 5th semester of college!

September:

-Went swing dancing with Mickey!

-Celebrated Mickey's parents' 23rd anniversary!

-Mickey and I celebrated our 6 month anniversary! 

-Tried and enjoyed Creme Brulee!

October:

-Filmed my first PSA!

-Mickey and I volunteered with the Diabetes Walk (JDRF)

-Zombie Walk & our first Halloween together!

November:

-Voted in my first presidential election!

-Dia de los Muertos Festivities!

-Went to Vegan Restaurant!

-Went and filmed/took pictures of a quince as Mickey's assistant!

-Celebrated Mickey's 21st Birthday!

-Celebrated Thanksgiving with Mickey's family (& my aunt and uncle separately)

December:

-Participated in first 48-Hour Film Festival!

-Mickey and I decorated our first Christmas tree together!

-Went to Portland, OR and Vancouver, WA

SAW SNOW FOR THE FIRST TIME!

(& snow tubed, saw Pacific Ocean, went to the Northwest! and faced my fear of heights)

I guess you could say that this year treated me very well.  I know my momma 

would be very proud of how I'm doing.  I still can't believe I lived a whole year without my mom, 2012 was lived without her here.  A part of me is freakishly proud and another part of me is extremely sad.  I had a lot of firsts this year and I wish I could have shared those with her but for now, I'll just know she's watching me from above sharing those moments with me.  

I can't believe I'm 20, or that I found the most amazing guy in the world, or that I saw snow this year, or that I even had two jobs for 5 months while taking on a full course load at school.  I'm just blessed and thankful to God and my sweet momma for all the blessings they've given me and even though we lost some loved ones this year,  I know they're in heaven having a blast.  

So, thank you 2012 for being much better for me than 2011 was. 

Thank you for my loved ones.  Here's to 2013 being even better! 

I can't wait for all that is to come!

I know I'll certainly be ringing it in with some of my favorite people! ;)

1 whole year. ♥

To say that it's been a year since my mom passed away feels like a nightmare.  I honestly intended to fall asleep way before right now, almost 4 o'clock in the morning.  I'm proud of how far I've come you know? I've learned to drive on highways, I've flown on my own, I have two jobs and go to school.  I pay my own bills, I do things on my own.  To say it's been a year is an accomplishment for me.  Yet, there is that overwhelming sadness that I feel just thinking that it in fact has been a whole year since my mom passed away.  A whole year.  365 days.  It's been 365 days since I held her hand and hugged her and it's been even longer since I last talked with her and laughed with her.

I still don't understand why she's gone.  I don't understand why she even got the disease in the first place.  Selfishly speaking, I was only 19, I was an only child, I don't really have a dad (biologically speaking, duh but he's not even in the picture), I don't have the whole package you're supposed to have when your mom dies.  You're supposed to be married, have kids, have a career.  She's supposed to be a grandmother, she's supposed to spoil your kids.  Tell you advice on how to raise them and in my case she was going to be there to walk me down the aisle.

I know that once today passes (and the 29th, the day of the viewing), things will kind of go back to normal but for the time being, I guess being a big ball of emotions is understandable.  Wanting to cry and scream is part of the package that comes with the 1 year mark.  I guess I was hoping today wouldn't be such a hard day and that's why I've been trying to avoid thinking about it but truth is, there's no avoiding today.  Ever.

I started getting body aches this past weekend and they've been coming and going.  I took ibuprofen earlier and, if you know me, you know I hate taking meds unless I absolutely need to.  My eyes were tired and felt like I had been crying for days.  I don't know if it's my body realizing it's been a year or what.  They're not allergies because those would be consistent.  All I know is one thing: I'm still alive and that's something.  I had my mom for 19 wonderful years and I'm blessed that I was fortunate enough to be chosen to be her daughter.  No matter how angry I get because older adults have their parents, I must realize that my darling mother was special enough to go to heaven sooner, a VIP I guess you could say.

No, this doesn't mean I hate the world or people whose parents are still alive, on the contrary, I feel happy for them because I know how precious that time is.  This also doesn't mean that I'm depressed and down in the dumps, I mean, I am my mother's daughter, heck, we were born tough! I guess it just means that today will be one of those harder days.  Today, is unfortunately, semi-chaotic as far as school goes but I know just need to focus on being strong and letting God take over.  I need to focus on what I have and who I have as opposed to who I don't have and what I don't have.  Count my blessings.

So here I go about to attempt to go to sleep and wake up in 5 hours to finish stuff.  I will pray my heart out for strength and for my mom to be with me as I face today, especially tonight.

Most importantly, I just wanted to say one last thing:

I love you mommy.

6 months. ❤

Before.

Mickey and I have been together for six months as of today! (9.18.12)!!! I cannot believe it's already been half a year.  Seriously, that just flew by! So to celebrate we went to this fancy restaurant and stuffed our faces.  He had a hefty giftcard and we definitely did put it to good use.

Here's a summary of our wonderful experience at Fleming's:

-His first time eating calamari (he liked it!)
-Our first time eating filet minon! IT WAS SO FREAKISHLY GOOOOOOD!
-His first time eating lobster!
-His first time seeing the waiters "comb" the table for crumbs.

-AND MOST IMPORTANTLY... OUR FIRST TIME EATING CREME BRULEE!!!!


-Oh my goodness was it delicious or what!


So, here is a little information about us and how we got to where we are now.

We met in our Intro to Mass Comm class our first semester in college and we were kind of friends, we didn't have each other's numbers but we knew each other.  Second semester, we had a class together, Audio Production, when we exchanged numbers so if we needed to get a hold of one another we could.  We started becoming closer friends then.  That's when Mickey met my mom! It was awesome!
That summer 2011 we didn't talk too much although we began texting because I told him about my mom's health situation and our friendship just grew immensely.

Mickey ♥

During the fall of 2011, we had Video Production I together.  He helped me out with our first project, which was a countdown.  I did mine with gummy bears.  My mom got to see it and she loved it! During that semester, Mickey and I became even closer of friends.  That friday, September 16, he along with his girlfriend at the time and Katie, along with other very important people (Deidra and her family) were there for me during the hardest time. That's when Mickey saw my mom again.  That evening when they all came over to the hospital room, my mom basically told them to take care of me because this was going to be the most difficult thing I was going to have to face.  I feel Mickey has definitely done this.  

Mickey visited my mom and I at hospice.  At this time, my mom wasn't really conscious but I know deep down, she knew he was there.  He went a couple of times while we were there and it meant the world to me.  I mean, there I was.  Looking like a zombie, with hair all over the place, wearing scrubs and looking like poo and he was there for me.

When my mom passed away, he immediately asked me what he could do. He was there through it all, especially the day of the viewing.  I remember he got there early with Katie and they stayed there the entire day! He gave me hugs when I needed them and let me vent when I needed to.

After

After the viewing, through the healing process and my visits with Dr. Tucker, he stuck with me.  He never got annoyed by me or ignored me.  He let me cry my eyes out and then made me laugh.  He became my best friend.  The new year came and he was single and then, the rest, as you could say is history.  March 18, 2012 we got together! (A day after his mom's birthday) Yay! I know cheesy story right? But you have to admit it's one for the books.  I'm a lucky girl.  

So, that's a small little bit of my life I never really shared before! I hope y'all enjoyed this super positive post.  Here's to making this 19th (the day my mom went into hospice) an okay day. And here's to making the 26th an okay day as well.

Thank you Mickey for everything you ever did and for everything you continue to do.  These six months have been my most favorite and I look forward to everything that is to come! ;)

Growing Up

I have absolutely no idea how a month can just fly by like that! It's insane, I know! But, here's to catching up on all of the highlights!

I've been trying new things and I've grown up in many ways since I last blogged (right after my birthday).  Here's a list:

1.  I drive on highways now! If you know me, you know that I've never been a fan of highways because I don't trust people and their driving skills and putting speed into the mix used to a fear of mine especially since I learned how to drive in about eight hours.  Long story short, I drive on highways now! My special someone helped me with it and I could not be more thankful! <3

2. I am now a server at Cracker Barrel! That's right, yours truly now has TWO JOBS.  Trust me guys, I really don't recommend it because I work 6/7 days of the week and it's very exhausting.  Two jobs along with two summer classes is insane but I've only got one more week and then I'm done with classes (until August 20).  But like I was saying, yup! I'm a server.  Tips have been pretty good.  I was just looking to get some extra cash so I could save for Rome (still crossing my fingers) and for one day moving to my future home, those of you who know me know where that is.  :)

3.  I've flown on a plane on my own! My aunt and uncle and I went up to New Hampshire for my aunt's niece's wedding.  It was absolutely beautiful!  We also visited the area around.  It was nice! On the way back, I was a bit nervous at first but I just flew on my own and everything! ALL THE WAY FROM NEW HAMPSHIRE! Living in the south, that's a lot! :)

It's crazy how much I've grown up since December and obviously since my mom's passing in late September.  I try new things like nobody's business.  I think like an adult 95% of the time and I'm always trying to save money.  It's insane.  

I believe my sweet momma is proud of me and happy that I've become a semi-adult.  I mean, I'm only 20.  :)

Birthday & Family

HAHA.

So, fellow readers, yours truly is officially no longer a teenager! Whoohoo! That's right ladies and gentlemen, I'm 20! As of May 25, 2012 7:28pm I officially turned 20.  I am still in shock I think.  This week and especially my birthday were overwhelming and hectic.  I will recap it of course.

My aunt had her balloon procedure (heart) on the 24th.  She got out at around 3pm on the 25th.  She's doing very well!!! :)

So I've previously mentioned "my special someone", well, his name is Mickey, yes, like the mouse.  Well, this past week was especially tough for him and his family.  His grandmother went to heaven and this thursday and friday were the services.  I was honestly so blessed to have met her and talked with her a few times, she made me feel so comfortable.  I, unfortunately, can relate to his mom and his aunts and uncles as y'all know about my mom's passing.  The viewing was held on thursday (24th) and the burial on the 25th.  It was difficult but I feel my mom would be very proud of how I did with everything-even with all the tears.  I won't go into much detail but I learned a lot about family this week.

I've mentioned before how I'm not that close to my family.  My maternal grandmother passed away before I was born and the rest of the family (for the most part) didn't treat my mom with respect.  AT ALL.  We lived in Mexico for four years and that's where pretty much all of our family was located.  Now, they are a bit more diffused but still, we aren't close. My mom and I moved back to my hometown when I was 8 because of major family issues and we stayed here ever since.  I've been contacted by some family members (distant family members) through Facebook so it's pretty cool.  I find it interesting how things work, you know? My mom had wanted to get in touch with the family because she didn't want me to be alone and now it's like tadaa!! I don't know if this makes much sense but I'll say this.  I came to find that family is whoever treats you with respect, protects you, loves you, makes you happy and all those warm, fuzzy things.  Just because you're blood-related to someone may not necessarily make you family.  Family is much more than that.  Which brings me to my next point.

Spending this time with Mickey's family really made me happy.  Like cheesy happy.  Despite all they've gone through, they are so strong and they stick together.  They are there for each other through everything.  Even on the 25th, after Mickey's grandmother's burial, we all went to her house and they had this big family get together.  One of the many things I learned about Mickey's grandmother (during the viewing/services) was that she loved to make a bunch of food and invite everybody over to her house and just enjoy each other's company.  That's exactly what happened after the burial-which just so happened to be my birthday too.  They, get this guys, they made me a cake AND sang me happy birthday!!! It was seriously the nicest things anyone has ever done for me.  I feel like it's something my mom would totally have done! IT WAS SO NICE.  I almost cried tears of joy.  No joke.  I felt so welcome and part of the family, as cheesy as that sounds.  I absolutely love spending time with all of them and feel like my mom is so beyond happy.

This is kind of what the cake looked
like except it was much better!

The rest of my birthday celebrations were nice too.  It's kind of been like a birthday weekend.  So it's been nice.  Here was my birthday weekend in a nutshell:

Fri. May 25th-BIRTHDAY!
-Had like two hours of sleep the night before.  I have no clue why I couldn't go to sleep.
-Went to periodontist appt at 7:30am.  I have perfect teeth!
-Got a taco from local mexican restaurant my mom and I used to go to! LOVE THAT PLACE!!
-Went to burial.
-Went to family get together.
-Went to work. Got paid!
-Mickey and I went to Red Lobster.  Happy Birthday was sung to me!
-Aunt and Uncle gave me wonderful presents!

Sat. May 26th-Day after!
-Woke up 30 min. after I was supposed to be at work.  Everything was okay.  I just felt super guilty even though everything was already taken care of, they just wanted extra help.
-Ate first meal of the day at almost 5pm-with Saundra! (My boss)
-Had small get together with Brianna and Mickey. The rest of my friends couldn't make it :(

Sun.  May 27th-Two days after!
-Went to Target. Got gorgeous dress! (Mickey's present for me!)
-Went to movie theatre and had dinner theatre.  (We saw MIB 3-really good)

And it's not over!!!!

Sorry for this post being so overly long, I just had a lot I wanted to share! :)

Please pray for my aunt, Mickey and his entire family. Thank you!

Happy Mother's Day Momma!

SO TRUE.

So, one of the most important holidays (in my book) has officially started.  Mothers Day.  My mom and I also celebrated Mother's Day in Mexico (May 10 every year) but this past May 10 was very crazy, so I will definitely make it a point to celebrate today! I wanted to just brag out my mom for a while and end with a letter (just like on her birthday post).

So here's the deal.  I know we all brag about our momma's but seriously mine was as good as they come.  She was one heck of a woman.  I mean from day one, when after all the miscarriages she had had prior to me, she found out I was actually going to make it.  She was going to have a baby.  She had complications through the pregnancy, and she went through everything to get me. We're talking shots and craziness.  Once she had me, I became her world.  She worked three jobs to put food on the table, she never complained.  She was one tough cookie.  Yet, her generosity, kindness and gentleness were immensely apparent as she raised me.  She NEVER spanked me or hit me.  NOTHING.  I'm not trying to make it sound like I was one spoiled kid either. She disciplined me when necessary and all but she did it so well, no cuss words were ever thrown around.  As I got older, she became my friend.  Even as a teenager, we maintained the bond that so many mothers and daughters wish they had.  We went out and did girly things, we had our traditions.  We were each others best friends.  When she got sick, our friendship grew and we became like sisters as well.  We were each others rock.  In short, because it would take a whole book to describe the immense gratitude and love I have for my mother, my mom was one funny, smart, motherly, feisty, gentle, do-anything-for-her-child, sweet, honest, brave, strong, wise, know-exactly-what-to-say-when-to-say-it, BEST HUGGER, adventurous, always-work-for-more-never-settle, eager, excited for life, best friend-sister-mother combo, I-will-always-love-you, best-person-I-ever-had-the-pleasure-of-meeting kind of woman.  If I grow up to be even half the woman she was, I know I will have been successful.

So, for the letter.

Dear Ma/Momma/Mommy/Mamasita,

    HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY! I hope this Mother's Day is especially wonderful because you get to spend it with your mom as well! Please tell her hi for me! Thanks! Well, so for Mother's Day, I wanted to make sure and do something nice for you, so we are going out to eat, I don't know where yet but I will make sure to eat something you would have wanted to eat! Also, you are welcome to read the above paragraph.  :) It's all true.  I want to tell you so much more and all that good stuff but I should leave some of it for the book that I will write about you.  Remember? I didn't forget mama. :)

    Thank you for being such a fantastic, wonderful, amazing, magnificent mom to me.  I know you are still watching over me and will be guiding me the rest of my life.  It's nice to know I have a guardian angel.  Haha. The first time I wrote "angel" I accidentally wrote "angle", well, you probably saw that.  :) Thank you for being my mom and for giving me the strength and wisdom to do everything.  I will continue to make you proud and try new things.  I will do so much momma, you will amazed!

    So, lastly, mamasita.  Te quiero mucho! I'm practicing my Spanish more (I know you would be happy about that, haha) and I will work hard and live my life to the fullest.  I love you with all my heart baby and I hope you have a heavenly Mother's Day sweet momma! I LOVE YOU!!!!

Love, forever your daughter and best friend, 

Amy

Happy Birthday Sweet Momma

One of my birthdays.  She looks so happy. 

April 26.  1:30am-ish.  Exactly when my mom was born.

Today is my mom's birthday.  I say "is" because it will always be her birthday, even if she isn't here next to me.  I have this idea in my head of how birthdays are in heaven.  I imagine a whole bunch of happiness and laughter and food.  Maybe no presents because angels don't really need material things like that.  The present is being in heaven.  I mean, I know that's exactly where I want to go when I die (when I'm old, saggy and wrinkly). I strongly believe birthdays in heaven are the bomb diggity.

So, for today's schedule (since it's after midnight), I have class, then I have to hang theatrical lights, then I have the Alpha Chi Induction.  I guess it's a good thing I'll be busy.  I want to definitely do something my mom would have done.  I'm still thinking of what.  In the meantime, I wanted to write this letter to my momma wishing her happy birthday. So here it goes:

Dear Momma,

I LOVE YOU! AND... HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU! HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR MOMMA/MOMMY/MAMA/MAAAAA! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU! ( I am singing this to you in my head, as you can tell).  I wanted to tell you happy birthday from your very lucky daugther! I hope you are having a blast in heaven with everyone! Please say hi to grandma and my brothers and sisters for me! (Oh and any famous people you're friends with!) Thank you!  I hope that today you spend a lot of time relaxing and enjoying your day because it is your day.  I will do many things today you would have loved to do, I'm just still thinking of what but I know you'll guide me.  Also, the Alpha Chi inductions, isn't that great? I'm so excited to wear the new dress I got, the one on clearance.  Well, anyway, I also wanted to say thank you for making me brave and strong.  I know we have the same genes so that aids a lot but your parenting also strengthened that.

Okie dokie mommy, I'm gonna let you go and have some crazy fun with all the angels and Jesus! Hope today is an absolutely wonderful day for you! I love you from the bottom of my heart and miss you tons!

P.S. You're welcome to come in my dreams.

Love,

forever your daughter,

Amy

   

Taxes

HAHA.

Well, ladies and gentlemen, I'm proud to tell you I have filed my taxes.  ALL BY MYSELF. That's right, you read right.  I walked right up into the H&R Block near my school and did it! I walked in and said "I'm here to do my taxes" and the lady smiled and made me fill out this one paper and I waited.  I guess, looking back on it now, why else would I have gone to H&R Block during tax season? I must have had the same grin I had when I first voted when I was 18.  It was fun though!

I had been with my mom to H&R Block previous years to file our taxes but being there with your mom and doing them on your own are two very different things.  I had a whole bunch of papers and such that my aunt and I kept and I had a folder and everything.  I told Kathy (the nice lady doing my taxes) the whole story, my mom and my situation now.  I mean, you know, just the tax-related things.  There were three ladies there and by the time I left, all three of them knew my situation.  It was nice though because they were all so understanding.

These are clever. 

We did my mom's taxes first and then mine.  Hers were more complicated but [and this is the good news] I will be getting a refund! Thanks momma! Not gonna lie though, it was really hard to be giving them information about her and to once again hold her death certificate in my hand.  I didn't like it one bit but I know my mom is beyond proud of me for doing this by myself.  My aunt volunteered to go with me but I felt that this was something I needed to do and figure out on my own.

Next, we did my taxes and long story short, I owe the IRS money. I know, it's sad.  But, and get this, I payed more to H&R Block for doing my complicated taxes than I will pay the IRS.  Isn't that weird? Well, their help was definitely needed and appreciated so it was all worth it.  All I have to do is go to the UPS store and get some stuff settled and then I will mail the information and get my mom's tax return in 5-7 weeks!

Ha.Ha.

I am BEYOND proud of myself.  My aunt even told me herself how proud she is of me.  You know, sometimes, I believe we all surprise ourselves by how mature we become or how brave we become when faced with obstacles in life.  This is definitely one of those momma peacock moments for my mom.  I'm so excited to get the return and save it for Rome!!!! (I'm still crossing my fingers).

Well, until next time guys! Thanks for reading!

Wake up and smell the roses

Two things I need to share:

1.  I have officially stopped going to Dr. Tucker.  I have been doing pretty well and I felt that going to see him every Monday was too much and almost a weekly reminder of how my mom isn't alive anymore.  I jumped from seeing him every week, to every two weeks and now, it will just be on a call-in basis kind of thing.  If I feel like talking, I will call to set up an appointment.  I'm not gonna lie, I did cry a bit after I left his office because I had this ginormous flashback of when I first saw him.  It was barely a week after my mom had passed.  I was quiet, pale (he told me all these things), I was devastated and confused.  Now, this last time I saw him, he told me I spoke louder, I didn't look pale, I'm taking care of myself (exercise), I'm doing better.  I do have those days when a bit down but heck, they sure aren't as bad as they used to be. So, with that being said, I'm proud of myself.  I'm pretty sure my mom is too. It feels good, you know? It feels good to know I'm getting through this.  It's been 160 days and I'm still here, living life.

2. As a child/kid/whatever, I never really could smell flowers.  Everyone around me told me that flowers smelled nice but all I could ever smell was humidity and wetness.  My mom even took me into a flower shop once in middle school just to show me I could smell flowers...but nothing.  Well, and this is probably symbolic or something, but yesterday I smelled the roses! I was working (10hrs ahh!) at the chapel and I was putting the flowers to the Virgin Mary in a vase and I wondered what this one smell was and I smelled the rose and I figured out THAT was the smell.  I'm smelling flowers now! Pretty freaking excited.  My mom used to be allergic to flowers, except for carnations, which were her favorite, but she stopped being allergic sometime in 2011.  I can't wait to start smelling other flowers.

As far as the exercising thing, I've still kept the 8 pounds off.  I think I've hit a plateau but I think I've lost inches.  I'm just happy either way.  It's been 59 days since I've had soda or coffee!!! :)

Hope y'all are doing well! HAPPY MARCH!

I can't even begin

I can't even begin to tell y'all how many times I've wanted to blog but just get too tired.  So, I'm definitely glad I am able to blog! :)

-I got a 96 on my Italian II test!
-I went out of town with my friends last weekend and I had so much fun! There was this festival and everything there! I went on different rides which is so amazing because I usually don't really go on rides, even these baby ones, because I get too scared but I did it! I went on rides that scared me at first and I don't regret a thing! Thank you Katie, Dominic, Mickey and everyone else for such a fun time!
-Valentine's Day was three days ago.  It was kind of the same old kind of day for me.  Katie and I decided to go to a restaurant though because it was our "fat day" as we like to call it when we can pig out (based on this semi-diet thing) and we did but we got some awkward stares.  Haha. It was fun though because we had some GOOD food.
-We are all (for the most part) still trying to be healthy. I'm hopeful.
-My confirmation is this sunday! My mom would be so happy and proud of me. I'm glad I'm doing this because it feels good.
-I've decided to see Dr. Tucker every two weeks now, instead of every week.  Of course, a few days after I made that decision and told him, I had a meltdown, but all is well now.
-I've begun to teach conversational Spanish! At the moment I have 1.5 jobs so it's improvement.
-My friends and I are working on producing different skits and it's making me SO HAPPY. I have no words to describe how much I love acting. :)
-I've made huge strides and I'm frickin proud of myself for that.  I feel my mom is too.

The College Life.

So I wanted to post a more thorough description of my classes I'm taking this semester so here it goes.  I'm a junior so some of these are upper level! What up! Haha.

ITALIAN II:
-We have a new teacher because the one we had moved to Washington state because her husband got a different kind of job there, so I miss her but this new teacher reminds me a bit of Liza Minelli which is super cool.
-She is from Milan!
-She'll sometimes just start talking a whole bunch in Italian which gets me happy because sometimes I can actually understand her! And plus, I feel it prepares me for the possibility of studying abroad in Rome.

CHOIR:
-I've had this teacher for three other semesters and he is amazing and fun! I love this class!
-We got these few pieces already and they are to die for! They are absolutely beautiful! Especially Hard Times by Stephen Foster (Arranged by Craig Hella Johnson) (Love his middle name-Hella!) Haha. I got chills the first time we sightread parts of it.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NMa1AkcDiyo
-We've got plenty of performances coming up so I'm excited.

MEDIA ETHICS:
-I had this teacher my first semester so it's nice to be in familiar territory, she's really nice and knows her stuff.
-This class is really making me think about so many things so it's nice.
-I know like three people in this class which makes it more fun.

WFTM:
-This is the incomplete that I got last semester (Writing for the Media) so I'm looking to get the Basic News Story done.
-I adore this teacher though! She's amazing! (Oh, she's from New York, btw.)

INTRO TO TECH PRODUCTION:
-Probably my least favorite class :(
-And it's just too bad because it's for my theatre minor.
-We are learning about tools and stuff like that, I'm not a big fan but I'm hoping this class gets better.
-P.S. It's difficult.

INTEGRATED LANGUAGE ARTS:
-I love this class!
-My professor has a British/Scottish accent! She's awesome and she's teaching my favorite subject.
-We are learning stuff I enjoy so it's wonderful.
-The class is taught as if we were all Education majors, which is interesting.
-We are going to go to read to 3rd graders!!! How amazing right? I'm excited!

VIDEO PRODUCTION II:
-I like this class, I had this professor last semester. He gave me my first (and hopefully only) B+ in college.  I hope this semester goes better.
-For our first project I'm going to the producer! We will be doing interviews!

So there they are but (and this is the best part)…

I FOUND OUT I LOVE ZUMBA!

-Katie and I took a class at school today and oh my goodness! I'm in love!

 Thank you so much Cassey for telling me about it! 

-If y'all haven't tried it you are missing out! It's so so so much fun!

- It's basically dancing like crazy for an hour! 

-Here's a clip of what zumba is (an example).  

-We didn't do it this hardcore but maybe the mix it up! I'm super stoked to keep 

doing this every Monday, I can't do it Wednesdays because of my Video

 Production II class but I'm pumped for Mondays!

My mom would be so happy for me.  LOVE YOU MOMMA!

Lots of catching up!

Yum! 

So I've experienced the typical college thing of not having enough time, which is why I have not been able to blog for a while. With that being said, there's a lot to catch up on! List time again!

-Thanksgiving wasn't that bad. It was kinda nice, we played Mexican Train game with my aunt's and uncle's neighbors and their family.  I did have a baby meltdown before but it was fine, I moved on.
-Finals are next week! I'm a bit stressed but thankful everything else in my life is okay.
-We have our Fall Concert this Sunday.  (Choir) I'm a bit worried about it because it's my first concert without her.  I really miss her guys.  It's difficult sometimes to explain the pain I feel when it really hurts but I guess I'm doing fine.
-I got some stuff from these two stores and they are amazing!
-I'm trying a lot of new things lately, it's pretty wonderful to be able to do stuff spontaneously.  For example, this week alone, I went to a workshop with this advertising company, I went to a dress rehearsal of my school's production of A Christmas Carol and a friend's wedding after party thing (we're in Italian together and we did this amazing oral exam and made a video and everyone laughed, it was magnificent!).  Everything was pretty much spur of the moment kind of thing! It was nice.
-I know y'all have been drooling over the picture of Tiramisu.  Today some of my friends and I went to this one restaurant (it was amazing!) and my friend got Tiramisu and we shared a bit! Fact: I don't like sweets.  Desert.  Chocolate.  None of it.  But, Tiramisu is one of those things that are just TO DIE FOR! Seriously, it's amazing! If you haven't tried it, I strongly recommend it!
-My friend let me borrow his copy of 500 Days of Summer and OH MY GOODNESS! So adorable, sweet, and fantastic! I loved it! I strongly recommend this movie! I mean, Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Zooey Deschanel? Yeah, so wonderful!
-We moved out of the "new apt".  It was pretty difficult because I kept on thinking about all the things that didn't happen.  All the opportunities we had that aren't needed or going to be used anymore.  It's been a bit over two months and there are still moments when I think she's still alive.  Not gonna lie, it sucks.
-The other day I wanted to get an extra copy of my ad for my WFTM class and I thought in my head "Yeah, get another one so you can show your mom".  Then I stopped myself because obviously, it's not true.
-I feel like she's happy though, you know? She's seeing me live my life and learn things on my own.  I make decisions, I make plans and most importantly, I plan about New York and my future.  <3
-Today I saw two tarantulas! YES, MY FRIENDS, that's right.  TWO!!!!!! If you know me, you know I'm not a fan of insects, bugs, etc.  I mean, butterflies scare me! That's how weird this phobia is for me so it was amazing I didn't run screaming!  I was thrown off by the first one though.  That's for sure.
-I feel like I'm missing stuff but I got the highlights.  I wanted to add more pictures but it isn't working.  Oh well, maybe next time!

Happy last week of school for my fellow peeps! Haha. Just kidding.

The first Thanksgiving.

Well, tomorrow will be my first Thanksgiving without my little sweet momma.  I think I'll be okay.  Although lately I've been having lots of "moments", that's the term Dr. Tucker and I came up with to describe a mini meltdown.  So, yeah, I've been having lots of those.  I know, though, my mom would have wanted me to enjoy Thanksgiving, so that's what I'm going to do.  

As far as everything else, I'm getting ready to finish my third semester! My last day will be December 8…the countdown begins! I'm excited for next semester because it's a new beginning and new classes.  Oh and here are other news:

-I'm officially joining Catholic Daughters of America!!! (I mentioned the organization last fall so I'm glad I'll be able to join!) My mom would be so happy!

-I did well on my monologue this past Monday! It was from The Memory of Water (I strongly recommend it) and I was Catherine.  

-As you can tell, I'm done with my Writing for the Media blogging assignment, that's why the list thing is back, it's so much easier.  

Life is going well.  Sure, I'm still having meltdowns and "moments" but I strongly believe my mom is smiling down and grinning of proudness (if that last one makes sense).  No question, I miss her tons and think about her everyday but I'm living the life she would have wanted me to and that makes me proud of myself too.  

So, my friends, Happy Thanksgiving! Enjoy it with family and friends and be thankful.  I'm thankful for having such a strong support system and being able to spend Thanksgiving with the ones I love.  I'm most thankful that I had my mom for such a long time and that she was able to raise me to be the strong "woman" I am.  I don't consider myself to be a woman yet because I think I'm too young, but I'm not a girl anymore, so maybe lady? Anyway, I'm strong because she raised me to be so.  I'm everything I am because she loved me.  So, with that being said, HAPPY THANKSGIVING EVERYONE!