Overthinking.

Christmas tree at oncologist's office.

Okay so first of all:.......MY MOM'S INJECTION IS WORKING so far! Yey! It's just horrible though, my mom and I were both super extremely terrified that he would give us bad news.  I mean, I guess we always have that fear.  He seemed very happy this last time.  See, we have this kind of way of knowing once somebody walks in if they are going to give us good or bad news.  If it is his Nurse Practitioner then it's good news, she has *knock on wood* never given my mom bad news.  Soo, this time it was my mom's oncologist, so immediately my heart started  beating tremendously fast, my hands got way more clammier (sp?) than they already were.  This time though he let my mom talk to him about how she was doing (which means that things are going okay) if he would stop her then we know that it's not good.  So yeah, and he started asking me about school and stuff.  My mom and I were so relieved that she was doing okay that we started getting teary-eyed.  But then that's when I start analyzing stuff: My mom has been getting her Faslodex/Chemo-ish injections for a while now, and every time she's been getting only one injection a month.  This time she got two. That's when it began.  My mind starts racing and thinking overtime (if that makes any sense).  And then, that's not where it ends, after every appointment my mom gets her appt card for the next time and since she started with the faslodex injections started, the card has said "Doctor visit, faslodex and zometa", zometa is the bone-strengthening thing she gets to help her bones be strong, but this time it said "Doctor visit, chemo" and then my freakout symptoms intensified, why didn't he tell us anything? was this a mistake, did they mean to write faslodex instead? My mom found out about this worry of mine and she said not to worry.  Call it denial or whatever but we strongly believe that maybe they made a mistake, because the chemo room and entire doctor's office was packed that day. Part of me is still really scared.

Other than that, which I am desperately trying not to think about AT ALL, I got my books for next semester! I got my final grades: ALL A'S!  Oh and my GPA is 3.97! Christmas is almost here which I love, it's my favorite holiday.  Oh and my mom and I are going to get haircuts! Yey!

I pray that my mommy will be okay and that God will lead us in the right direction.  I keep thinking to myself of my mom's fortune (from that one fortune cookie, I mean out of all the bazillions of fortune cookies she chose that one, so it's gotta mean something!).  Well, HAPPY HOLIDAYS everyone! or should I say "Happy Christmahannukwanzakah"? (haha, yeah childish I know)

Thanks for reading.