Monday, October 3


So, I think I've gotten into a routine or I guess you could say I've noticed a pattern in my behavior.  Since my mom's passing, I've cried about once every day.  It's sometimes the dumbest things, like today going to our local grocery store and seeing watermelon.  She loved her watermelon.  I don't know, sometimes it's kinda hard to let it out at the time that it hits me because like today, at the grocery store, it was like "aaah, where do I go?" I guess I could've gone to the restroom but my aunt was in the automated wheelchair thing so it would've been hard.  I was okay though, I guess. (That reminds me, I picked up my mom's ashes and it was probably one of the weirdest things, even as I'm writing those three words together "my mom's ashes" it feels like I'm just waiting for her to come back from someplace. It will get easier, I hope.)

Other than that, I cooked for my aunt and uncle and they loved it! I made them turkey burgers with mashed potatoes and green beans.  It was pretty good.  It was my first home-cooked meal in like 4 months.  (My mom and I hadn't been home since like May 23rd).  Anyway, my aunt and I decided not to tell my uncle that he was eating turkey burgers in fear that he would be like "no, I want real meat" so it was nice seeing him gobble up the amazing turkey burgers up I made.

I've been getting my room organized here at my aunt and uncle's house and it's really nice getting rid of hospital-related stuff.  It makes me at peace knowing my mom isn't in a hospital or skilled nursing facility or at hospice. Oh, which reminds me, I've made a "Reasons why I should not break down" list.  More like reasons why I shouldn't worry/stress/get sad but you get the idea.  It's helped me out so much

I spent the night at my friend's house last night.  It was nice to do something not related to anything depressing.  We saw Bridesmaids, it was nice.  The cop was my favorite [along with Kristen Wiig and Maya Rudolph]. It was nice to hang out with her and her family is really nice as well.

This was the collage I made before my mom's service.  It was beautiful and I look at it everyday in my room.
One of the many flower arrangements we got.  [This one is from the oncologist's office, it was really sweet.]

The angel with the violin.
[I played/play the violin]

The angel with the mandolin I mentioned.
[My mom played the mandolin.]
The carnations we received.  She loved carnations.    

I just did these.  They aren't perfect but it's the thought that counts.  Tomorrow will be a week since my mom's passing and it just so happens that October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month.  So I've done this pink and white combo of nail polish with the ribbon because of her.

I will be going to school today (because it's after midnight; I haven't gone to bed yet) so please pray I don't have a meltdown everywhere I go.


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