Sunday, October 30

{WFTM}: Black tights.

These past couple of days I've been trying to attempt new things and my friends, that happens to not be as easy as I thought it would be.  I'm trying to venture out and do things my mom would've been proud of.  While in the process, I'm trying to figure out ways to heal.  Again, these couple of days have produced another "baby step".  I wore black tights with a black dress yesterday.  I know what you are thinking, "Wow, big deal" but I'd like to still think this is a step forward.  I would have never done this before because it's kind of a risk for me, black and black.  And well... I did it.  I wore the black dress, with a short olive green cardigan, black tights and black shoes.  This was for my job as an assistant wedding coordinator.  I have not done anything risky, new or exciting but I will work on it ASAP.  I feel my mom would've been proud of me for trying new things though.  She would have made me feel that even though this whole "black tights idea" wasn't out there, it took guts for me to do and it should be considered a step in the right direction.

On the other topic for my WFTM blog posts, I'd like to talk about healing.  I had a meltdown last night and I'm trying to find ways to move on, to heal and not to look back on the bad times.  So, last night I just started typing whatever was in my brain, a brain dump seems to suit what it was, onto the computer.  I wrote and wrote until it all came out.  Let me tell y'all, it helped tremendously.  I can't even tell you exactly what made me have a meltdown necessarily but it's all out.  It was so therapeutic and I don't feel blue today.

Healing, as I've noticed, takes time.  It's not the easiest thing in the world but it is do-able. Writing for me has helped.  The moment I start feeling down, I try to let it out.  Unfortunately, sometimes it's not always the right time to break down (trust me, I've been there) but it's okay to have a baby meltdown in the meantime, even when you can't write it down.  The biggest lesson I've learned so far when it comes to healing is not to hold on to anything.  There will be times where it's like "Hello, waterworks!" but there will be times when you don't think about the sucky times.  It's about embracing those moments because that is what our loved ones would've wanted us to do.  Embrace the good times and carry on.

I will leave y'all with this quote I found online that describes how I feel about my mom perfectly.  Wish me luck in trying new things and moving forward.  Until next time!

"It seems to me that my mother was the most splendid woman I ever knew…I have a met a lot of people knocking around the world since, but I have never met a more thoroughly refined woman than my mother.  If I have amounted to anything, it will be due to her."
-Charles Chaplin 


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