Wednesday, October 26

Writing for the Media {WFTM}: Baby Steps

In these blogs for my WFTM class I wanted to focus on trying new things, on not being afraid of anything, of healing and doing stuff my mom would've been proud of.  So it begins today.  I don't think it's a coincidence that today will mark a month since my mom's passing.  Technically, it will be a month exactly at around 10:22pm but there is no use going into the details.  Now, it's all about starting new and being optimistic about the future.

For those of you who know me, you know I am pretty modest.  I don't cuss, I don't wear tiny shorts, I don't  flaunt anything that shouldn't be flaunted.  Well, I've had to deal with one of these issues lately.  Cussing.  I'm not a fan of it at my age.  First of all, there is no use in cussing, if you are mad, you are mad, cussing isn't going to change anything. If you want to do something, scream into a pillow or something. As a college student I just don't feel it's appropriate.  Now, once I'm older, that's a different story.  I remember talking to my mom about cussing a long time ago.  She told me I could once I turn fifty.  Haha, I agree.  I feel I have found different ways of coping with stress or anger so there is no need for me to cuss.

The reason I'm talking about this is because I'm a theatre minor and we've been working on this one scene from Cat on a Hot Tin Roof.  All the girls (about 12 of them) were Maggies and the all the guys (about 4) where Bricks.  It's the scene where Brick is looking at Maggie in a weird way and she asks why he is looking at her like that.  It's a really good scene.  Well, there is one part of the scene where Maggie cusses, that's right, she cusses.  Therefore Amy had to cuss. What?!!! I know, I was as surprised as you when I found out I had to do this.  I remember immediately going to the skilled nursing facility and telling my mom about my worry.  She told me something obvious that hadn't occurred to me.  She told me that the moment I started saying Maggie's lines, I was no longer being Amy, I was being Maggie.  Whatever she said was Maggie's opinion, not mine.  It's so true.  I didn't feel I had much …..

 It's been exactly one month since my mom passed.  I'm okay, I'm okay.   

Okay back to what I was writing about.  I didn't feel I had much in common with Maggie so this scene was a bit difficult.  Well, today was our midterm, we presented the scenes and *DRUM ROLL* I had to say every line.  The dreaded moment came.  I got up, became Maggie and said every line, verbatim (maybe 98% right).  Here is where I believe my mom would've been proud.  Before her passing, I would've probably tried to figure out a way to not say it but since her passing I've learned many things, one being you only live once.  What's gonna happen if I have an excuse for everything? "Oh this doesn't make me feel comfortable.  No I don't like that." I will have plenty of regrets once I'm older.  Here is the thing, I didn't hurt anyone, I wasn't mean, I was acting, which is something I love.

My mom would've been proud of me facing my fears.  Granted, it's not like I'm jumping out of a plane or anything, but baby steps right?  Another thing, I haven't cried all day today! I believe my mom would've been proud.  I feel she is.


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