Thursday, November 10

{WFTM}: The day we found out.

This week so far has been a bit overwhelming.  I've had projects due and exams so I'm glad this week is nearing a close.  Recently, I saw (part of) My Sister's Keeper because some of my friends and I were curious to see it.  I thought it would be okay for me to watch it because I've grown a lot and I've gotten stronger.  In my head, it was a good idea.

It turns out it wasn't.  The movie is about a young girl suing her parents for the right to her own body.  She was conceived to help her sister diagnosed with leukemia.  I didn't get very far because it was very difficult to watch. There was this one scene where the doctor comes into the sister's hospital room and goes directly to the mom to tell her that her daughter's body is shutting down.  The sick sister whispers to the doctor asking if they know how long she has and he answers with "It's hard to tell", or something to that effect.

This really hit home with me because our situation was almost exactly like that.  I was on my way to work and I had my mom on bluetooth to make sure she was okay (we always did that) and I heard a woman's voice on the line and I didn't know what was going on.  I heard the words "bone marrow" being thrown around and I started panicking.  I parked and started basically having a meltdown.  My mom heard this on the line and told me I could go back to the hospital (where she was at) and I knew everything was about to change.  I got there and my heart was beating so fast I felt it was gonna stop, my hands were a sweaty kind of cold.  I got to her room and just lost it, we both cried together.  The nurse practitioner came back and told us her body was shutting down, we asked her how long she had but she said it was hard to tell, she could have had days, weeks, or months.  This was on friday, September 16.  She had 10 days left.

What I learned was that it was good I tried to watch the movie but it was also good to realize when I needed to stop.  Healing takes time and there is no need to force yourself to do things you aren't ready for yet.  It doesn't mean you are weak, it just means you're not ready yet.  My mom always told me problems will find a way to you, there is no need to go out looking for them.  I am not planning on watching any sad movies anytime soon, that I'll tell you though.

As far as trying new things, I have painted my nails dark green.  That's right.  I wouldn't have done this before in fear people thought it was black but now I don't worry about that stuff anymore.  I do things because I want to, except when it comes to school, it's not like I ALWAYS want to do my homework, but you get the idea.  I try new things without the fears I used to have.

I know my mom would be very proud of me.  I've accomplished a lot this week without complaints.  (I know she would've loved the PSA I finished.  It was pretty good!) I know she's having fun in heaven so off I go to finish the rest of the week and attempt new things!

Hope y'all are doing well!
Thanks for reading!


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