Sunday, November 13

{WFTM}: Three in one week? Not on schedule.

Yeah, that's right, I had three meltdowns this week.  Not cool.  I think it's just because it's getting closer to to the holidays and some concerts that we, choir, have during the fall semester and I have so many memories attached to them.  I don't know.  It's difficult.  I miss her so much, it's hard to put into words.  I wish it were 2005 or something and we could see her diagnosis coming and maybe treat the disease earlier but I know that's not a possibility.  A girl can dream though, right? 

Two out of the three meltdowns I had this week were on the same day but for different reasons.  One of them happened as I was driving the route I used to drive all the time and, more importantly, the day we found out, it was seriously like being in a nightmare.  My hands got cold and numb, just like that day and my heart started racing, just like that day.  Lesson learned: Don't go that route for a very, VERY long time. {There is no need to do depressing things} The other one was just because I really miss her, I miss her hugs and her laugh.  Oh dear, just thinking about it makes me teary-eyed.  I miss everything about her.  So I just had a meltdown in the car.  The final meltdown of the week was friday night.  I recently bought my annual New York calendar.  Every single time I'd get one, I always drew a little heart on August 1, my grandma's birthday (whom I never met but know she was one awesome lady), April 26, my mom's birthday and then mine, May 25.  This time it was weird, I drew a little heart on April 26 but the waterworks just came when I thought about that day.  I wrote a little note to my mom on that square so it was nice but it still hit me like a ton of bricks.  "Hello Amy! She's not here anymore, she won't be here that day and you won't ever be able to celebrate her birthday with her again.  Oh and by the way, your kids will never get to meet her and your future husband won't either!" I know, depressing thoughts right? And totally random because this was only about her birthday but I'm a planner and I plan ahead and jump to the future.  So, there you have it. I had three meltdowns this week.  Let's hope this week is better.

As far as trying new things, the whole dark green nail polish thing didn't work out, it scared me and reminded me of mold.  So, now I have this new color called….wait for it…Prince Charming, haha, funny right? This is a much better color and it doesn't look like mold.  One very new thing I did try this week was put air in my tires, well Anderson's tires (my car, don't judge).  I remember my mom taught me how to do it a long time ago so I tried figuring it out, or just remembering what she taught me but I was having a hard time. I went inside the gas station and asked the lady if she could help and she called this one guy and he was able to help me fill the air in all four tires.  It turns out I was actually deflating the tires.  Not gonna lie, I bet my mom was laughing in heaven at how funny I must have looked with my hair blowing all over the place and at my attempt to fix the situation.  I did learn in the end though, so I know for next time.  I feel my mom would've been proud of me for attempting to do it on my own though.    

My aunt's birthday was yesterday! 
{She really loved my presents!}

Wish me luck with trying new things and being fearless!


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