Sunday, March 4

Wake up and smell the roses

Two things I need to share:

1.  I have officially stopped going to Dr. Tucker.  I have been doing pretty well and I felt that going to see him every Monday was too much and almost a weekly reminder of how my mom isn't alive anymore.  I jumped from seeing him every week, to every two weeks and now, it will just be on a call-in basis kind of thing.  If I feel like talking, I will call to set up an appointment.  I'm not gonna lie, I did cry a bit after I left his office because I had this ginormous flashback of when I first saw him.  It was barely a week after my mom had passed.  I was quiet, pale (he told me all these things), I was devastated and confused.  Now, this last time I saw him, he told me I spoke louder, I didn't look pale, I'm taking care of myself (exercise), I'm doing better.  I do have those days when a bit down but heck, they sure aren't as bad as they used to be. So, with that being said, I'm proud of myself.  I'm pretty sure my mom is too. It feels good, you know? It feels good to know I'm getting through this.  It's been 160 days and I'm still here, living life.

2. As a child/kid/whatever, I never really could smell flowers.  Everyone around me told me that flowers smelled nice but all I could ever smell was humidity and wetness.  My mom even took me into a flower shop once in middle school just to show me I could smell flowers...but nothing.  Well, and this is probably symbolic or something, but yesterday I smelled the roses! I was working (10hrs ahh!) at the chapel and I was putting the flowers to the Virgin Mary in a vase and I wondered what this one smell was and I smelled the rose and I figured out THAT was the smell.  I'm smelling flowers now! Pretty freaking excited.  My mom used to be allergic to flowers, except for carnations, which were her favorite, but she stopped being allergic sometime in 2011.  I can't wait to start smelling other flowers.

As far as the exercising thing, I've still kept the 8 pounds off.  I think I've hit a plateau but I think I've lost inches.  I'm just happy either way.  It's been 59 days since I've had soda or coffee!!! :)

Hope y'all are doing well! HAPPY MARCH!


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