So, I think I've gotten into a routine or I guess you could say I've noticed a pattern in my behavior. Since my mom's passing, I've cried about once every day. It's sometimes the dumbest things, like today going to our local grocery store and seeing watermelon. She loved her watermelon. I don't know, sometimes it's kinda hard to let it out at the time that it hits me because like today, at the grocery store, it was like "aaah, where do I go?" I guess I could've gone to the restroom but my aunt was in the automated wheelchair thing so it would've been hard. I was okay though, I guess. (That reminds me, I picked up my mom's ashes and it was probably one of the weirdest things, even as I'm writing those three words together "my mom's ashes" it feels like I'm just waiting for her to come back from someplace. It will get easier, I hope.)
I've been getting my room organized here at my aunt and uncle's house and it's really nice getting rid of hospital-related stuff. It makes me at peace knowing my mom isn't in a hospital or skilled nursing facility or at hospice. Oh, which reminds me, I've made a "Reasons why I should not break down" list. More like reasons why I shouldn't worry/stress/get sad but you get the idea. It's helped me out so much
already.
I spent the night at my friend's house last night. It was nice to do something not related to anything depressing. We saw Bridesmaids, it was nice. The cop was my favorite [along with Kristen Wiig and Maya Rudolph]. It was nice to hang out with her and her family is really nice as well.
One of the many flower arrangements we got. [This one is from the oncologist's office, it was really sweet.] |
The angel with the violin. [I played/play the violin] |
The angel with the mandolin I mentioned. [My mom played the mandolin.] |
The carnations we received. She loved carnations. |
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